Before Mini-Me

Thinking back now, it is hard to even imagine a time when I was without my Mini-Me - living with my parents, going out with my friends and wondering what I was going to do with my life.

Getting My Life 'On Track'...

Since last year I have moved 3 times, not including my week-long stay in hospital just after giving birth. I have lived in the city with my parents, in a small village with my partner's parents and eventually my partner and I got on our feet enough to sort out our own place. We had help from the council for the start up costs, and now live happily in a 2 bedroom house with a decent sized garden, just up the road from his parents. We knew it was the right place from the get-go: It had everything we were looking for in our forever-home and Mini-Me loved it too, smiling up at the ceilings and wriggling in excitement at the prospect of her own room.

A couple of years ago, I never would have imagined myself living with my partner in our own home with a 6-month baby - our baby! My plans were to go to Uni, study Animal Science and Welfare and go on to work at a zoo, wildlife park or exotic vet's. I thought that by about 25 I would be family-planning, after moving out with my partner and getting engaged, if not married before embarking on the next chapter of my life. Little did I know that at 21 I would have my first child and live with two families before finding our own family home. 

Priorities...

My no. 1 priority was Me - no one else. I knew what I wanted and how to strive for it. 

Since having Mini-Me, my priorities have done several shuffles, firstly moving myself even higher up the list as I was the most important person in the world - I was pregnant and had a massive responsibility to look after my body for my baby. Priority 2 was my relationship - I didn't want to be a single Mum and desperately craved the 'perfect relationship' - to play happy families and achieve the domestic dream. My 3rd priority was extended family - I needed their support and wanted them to be involved in my daughter's life. Tying 3rd, getting my own place was mandatory - I couldn't go on living in 'the box room' - a single room just large enough for my single bed, small wardrobe with 3 drawers, a two-tier bookshelf and tiny side table I used as my bedside table. 

The final priority was the biggie - money. Where would my income be coming from? I wasn't entitled to a lot of benefits as even though we weren't married or living together, my partner had a full time job and he was expected to support me with anything me and developing Mini-Me needed. I still feel that this was unfair - as I didn't work before I was pregnant, I had literally nothing but the small allowance my parents supplied me with on a weekly basis.

Of course, my partner has always supported me, but it's not the same as having your own money. I needed independence, to feel that I was the one providing for my little one. I hated being so reliant on everyone else, asking my Mum if I could pay her back when I wanted to buy more baby items than I could afford, and gazing at the beautiful baby presents I had been given by family and friends. I had been caught out , and didn't expect the strong feeling of resentment to anyone providing more than I was to my baby. It seemed like well-meaning family were taking over my duties as a Mother - I just wasn't good enough.

Oh How Life Has Changed...

Reading these words, I have since realised that a lot of these feelings were down to raging hormones. After having Mini-Me we were more desperate for support than ever - I became incredibly depressed right after birth and there were concerns that I could not cope in hospital, so my partner came and stayed nights to help with feeds so I could catch up on sleep. Both our families were brilliant - providing teeny tiny clothes for our small baby (she was shockingly tiny for being almost exactly a week overdue), visiting us every day in hospital and baby-sitting so that my partner and I could have that much-needed shower. It was December and we were wearing shorts and t-shirts, the hospital was so hot.

Anyways, to get back to my main point - my life has changed so dramatically over the course of my pregnancy, bringing even more revelations after my daughter was born. I was betrayed by one of my best friends, who was only interested in me because she wanted a baby herself, and I found that a lot of my 'close friends' just wanted to live the fast life and didn't have time for me anymore. They still wanted me to go out partying with them, and couldn't understand why I was so upset that they didn't want to talk about baby-related things. 

My life had permanently changed. The old me is virtually unrecongisable: she was a terrible flirt, with a different boyfriend every few months if not changing over more frequently. She didn't get on with her parents, she loved partying and hated staying at home. How my life has changed... I feel naked cycling without a helmet and my main link to the outside world, including friends, is facebook. Text and phonecalls are also so helpful and on more days than not this is the only way I socialise with my old friends - and new ones. I can't imagine being in a relationship with anyone but my partner, and it seems like we have been in our own home for years - we are settled and everything has fallen into place.