The person that's meant to be there for you and help you when things get hard; I guess people could say he's only a phone call away, but it's not the same. He's not here when I'm ill and my head is banging, my ears are ringing and my body is aching. I just want him to take the load but yeah I'm still running at 100 miles per hour and feel like I'm sinking.
Mouths need food, the house needs to be cleaned, and again it's down to me. Feeling like I'm the only one who cares about the babies that we have both brought into the world. I'm that single mother that I never wanted to become, just because I chose to be with their dad who sees them monthly. This is a sacrifice I willingly made, that will never be appreciated - because to him I sit on my backside all day doing nothing. He thinks that looking after our two is the easiest job in the world.
Through my children's eyes nothing is wrong; they don't understand that when their dad leaves he leaves me as just the one parent at home. When he visits, it's like he teases them and mocks them: 'this is what you could have'. Would it be easier if they don't see him at all, would it be selfish on my part? I'm sorry that I'm going to have to see their tears when he leaves. I do everything but I only see what he does and thank him to Remember Me. I feel like it's not fair - why can't I be the fun parent?
Dear children; I carried you in my womb, I looked after you when you were born. I deal with your changing moods, your cries, I cuddle you when you're sad and tell you there's nothing to be scared of when you say there's a monster under your bed. I'm up all hours with you, making sure you're alright before I go to sleep. I put your needs above mine. Then you turn round and say "I miss Daddy". You thank him for stuff that I do everyday. Am I just not good enough and he is just simply better!? I tried children.
I try every day to be the best parent I can be, but in my mind your dad will always top my efforts.
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