Fake Friend Clearout

For those of us who have Facebook, we know that it's all too easy to end up with a backlog of somewhat shitty friends. Not a lot, but enough that you have to do a clear-out every now and then. I call it the 'fake friend clearout'.

Having done one today, I can say there is a weight off my shoulders that I didn't even realise was there. It is stressful to try to make time for these people when you get nothing back. Not knowing where you stand is another stress-inducing side-effect of having these people involved in your life.

How To Separate True Friends from Fake Friends

1.  Message or text them
2.  Ask to meet up
3.  Make a house call
4.  Phone regularly

A true friend will respond to most, if not all of these prompts to get in touch, whereas a fake one will find any excuse not to. Turning up on their doorstep can be used as a last resort, but be careful as they may see this as a way out of making an effort - they can make the excuse that you see them enough, so they don't need to visit you for example. 

Today I have had arguments with two people I viewed as very good friends. It all started when I was pregnant, with one of my friends visiting me, not realising my predicament. After I told him my news, he became incredibly 'busy' with his 'new lifestyle' (uni). The other friend, who I hadn't seen for years, paid me a visit and afterwards declared that he had feelings for me, whilst claiming my partner was possessive as he obviously was upset about this. 

The thing is, in both of these scenarios it became somehow my fault that my friends didn't have time for me or simply didn't want to make time. IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT if you have made an effort for ungrateful people. As long as you put your money where your mouth is, and don't become a hypocrite, they should make the same effort for you as you do for them.

There is another person I thought I was good friends with who doesn't return any of my messages. It could be that they have  changed phone numbers, but the thing is with this great online world, we can see when messages are recieved and read, so I know he has seen everything I sent him on social media.   

Saying all this, I do have a busy life with my little family, and I don't have the spare time I used to - but that doesn't mean I have to become a total recluse. Too many people use their children as an excuse not to go out these days. Yes, you have kids, yes you are a busy parent, and yes you have responsibilities and priorities - but so do all of us! Even without kids, life can be hectic and demanding of your time.


The Bottom Line

It's not what you have, but how you use it: The same can be said for how we CHOOSE to spend our time. I can be caring for my daughter, and still go out for lunch with a friend, thus keeping my priorities in order as well as making time for others. It is my personal belief that no-one is 'too busy' for their friends, just unwilling to set aside time.